A burst of emotion

   "I told him there was no way he was coming anywhere near my apartment," Rosy said as everyone burst out into a wave of laughter.
The restaurant was pretty quiet now with the exception of our table of six. We were out celebrating Dean's 22nd birthday as a tradition within our group. Everyone's birthdays were always celebrated with a meal at the restaurant of the person's choice. This year, Dean chose The Crock Pot, a formal restaurant right in the center of town. Everyone was dressed to the nines, because in this group of friends, whenever there was a chance to get fancy, we took it.
This birthday celebration felt much different than the last, since Becky was the last birthday we celebrated and that was six months ago. Since then, a lot has changed. Rosy and Matt have been dating now for about three months. It was really weird at first since the two of them have been friends for years on end, along with myself, but all of us knew they'd had feelings for one another forever. Matt had the ability to ground Rosy; bringing her upbeat and sometimes overwhelming personality back to earth, while Rosy made Matt more adventurous. It was like they were the complete opposite of each other but created some sort of balance that made their relationship work perfectly.
Becky and Luke had been dating for years. They were the childhood sweethearts you'd see on TV, but they weren't annoying about it. Sometimes Becky would come to me freaking out about not feeling 'good enough' for Luke, which was just another reason why I felt they were perfect together.
Then, there was Dean and me. We were the only single ones in the group. We have been close friends for a few years now, and I trusted no one more than him. Well, maybe Rosy, but I had much different feelings for Dean than I felt towards Rosy. I...maybe...might have some feelings for...
   "Soph!"
   "What?" I questioned, confused as to who was talking to me and where we were for a second.
   "It's your turn."
Oh. Right.
   "Oh, okay. Uhm. My weirdest place would have to be... on top of Greg White's car at the end of senior year."
Everyone burst out laughing and spitting out words in between laughs like, "what?!" and "when did this happen?!"
   "You slept with him?" Becky asked at the end of a long laugh.
   "Yes, after graduation."
I glanced over at Dean briefly who didn't seem to be reacting like everyone else, but instead just had an uncomfortable smile on his face.
   "That's why you were so late to my party," Rosy concluded.
I just smiled and nodded my head, still glancing over at Dean, hoping he'd stop radiating awkwardness and thay someone would change the subject.
   "I have to pee," Dean announced, not making eye contact with anyone at the table.
I felt the need to go talk to him. To see if he was okay. To see if I had done something wrong. So I decided to sneak away as well.
   "Shit, guys, I forgot I told my mom I'd call her when we got here."
   "You're about three hours late," Matt said with a chuckle.
   "I know," I confirmed, "I'll be right back."
I got up from my chair and let my long chiffon skirt fall to my feet. I rushed to the back of the restaurant towards the restrooms in order to make it look like I was anxious to call my mom. When I got to the men's room, I waited outside the door.
After about a minute or so, Dean appeared with a shocked look on his face seeing me outside waiting for him.
   "Hey," I spit out. Wow, what a great opener.
   "Hi," he said back.
   "I just wanted to make sure you were okay, you seemed a bit uncomfortable and out of place at dinner."
He was barely making eye contact with me and could not stand still. What was wrong with him?
   "Dean," I said, forcing his eyes to meet mine as I stepped closer to him to create less space for him to avoid me.
   "I'm fine," he began. I scoffed which made him finally connect his eyes to mine.
   "I know you, Dean, and you are not fine."
He sighed heavily and looked at me again.
   "I just don't want to be here anymore. I'm not feeling well and I think I just need some sleep."
I didn't believe him, but I could tell I wasn't going to get anything else from him, so I surrendered to his weak excuse.
   "Okay," I said. "Let's go."
We returned to the table together and Dean sat down as I stood behind my chair.
   "Hey, guys, it looks like they're ready to close up so we should probably head out for the night."
   "Do you guys wanna hit up a bar and grab some drinks?" Rosy offered.
I looked nervously at Dean and he connected his eyes with mine, not looking very sullen anymore, but a different type of emotion radiating from his steel grey eyes. What was it?
   "You guys do what you want but I'm gonna call it a night. I'm beat."
I thought that saying no myself would make it less uncomfortable for Dean to do the same. Seems I was right.
   "Okay, guys, we'll see you tomorrow then. Happy birthday, Dean!" The four of them said their good nights to Dean and me and the two of us agreed to share a cab back to our apartments.
   "Want to come over for a drink?" Dean asked, completely throwing me off guard. Didn't he want to be alone? Wasn't he 'not feeling well'?

   "Sure," I confirmed, and slid into the yellow cab next to him, allowing the heat blowing from the vents to smother me in its arms. 

   "Forty third street, please." Dean leaned back in the leather seat and glanced in my direction. I noticed this because I was already peering over at him, watching the moonlight shine through the back window and dance off his stubbly facial skin and plush, pink lips. 

He raised his mouth into a slight smile while looking at me and I could feel all the blood in my veins heat and the continuous beating of my heart come to a screeching hault. What the hell is he doing to me? Why is this happening? 

I smiled back and quickly turned my head towards the window, knowing that the sudden change of color in my face was nothing less than obvious. 

When we got to his apartment, he paid the taxi driver and helped me out of the cab since I was wearing three inch heels and he knew I wasn't the most graceful at managing them. 

   "Thank you," I said as he held my hand out of the cab. He responded with a smile that lit up that dark New York street, and once again I felt prisoner to his charm. 

His place was warm and welcoming. The air smelled of wine and his musky cologne. He went around a few rooms, turning on dimmed lights in each, adding more to the comfortable atmosphere around me. He made his way into his bedroom and emerged wearing only his black pressed dress pants and his crisp white button down shirt, now revealing more of his neck and the top of his chest. He sauntered towards me in the kitchen where I stood as still as a statue, for some reason feeling alien in an apartment I knew so well. He realized this and stopped a few feet in front of me, clearly looking more at ease and calmer than he did when we spoke at dinner.  

   "What's wrong?" He asked. 

   "Nothing. I don't know. I...I'm fine."

He shifted and smirked. Making his way to the counter, he asked, 

   "Wine?" 

   "Yes, please." 

   "Red," he stated rather than asked, knowing that's what I liked. 

He poured the blood colored drink into the crystal glass and then another one for himself. He placed mine in front of the stool by the counter, implying he wanted me to sit. I made my way to the seat and rested onto it, my feet thanking me as soon as I did. I slid my heavy jacket off my shoulders and onto the stool next to me. When I looked up, Dean was staring right at me with that same look in his eyes as before. 

   "What?" I asked. 

He smirked at me like me asking him that was stupid. 

   "Nothing," he started, "I just can't stop looking at you tonight."

My heart nearly fell out of my chest.

   "For being such a clumsy person, you sure do wear those heels like you're doing them a favor." 

I didn't know what to say. What could I say? And more importantly, what did he want me to say?

   "Thanks," was all I could muster. 

He chuckled and sipped his wine. 

   "Sophia," he said. His tongue caressed my name like it belonged nowhere else but in his mouth. 

   "Yes?"

   "You really do look beautiful." 

It wasn't until now that I realized he was leaning over the counter and was less than a foot away from my face. I could feel my skin blush a bright red and the heat in my cheeks could melt the frosty snow bitten ground outside. You're killing me, I screamed from inside. 

Why did he make me feel this way? Why was it that at the simplest word I was putty in his hand? Had it always been this way? Did he always hold this power over me and I didn't realize until just now? Or was it that I had just realized my feeling for hi--

Oh, no. This couldn't be happening. How could I have feelings for my best friend? Did he always look at me that way?

I tried to remember the last time he called me beautiful or I caught him staring at me but I couldn't. My lungs suddenly felt heavy and I had the overwhelming urge to connect my lips with his. I can't, I thought, and snapped myself out of his smothering gaze. 

   "Thank you, Dean."

I broke our connection by bringing my glass of wine to my lips and letting the cool, crisp liquid run over my tongue and down my throat. 

   "You're welcome, Soph."

The rest of the night flowed casually. The uncomfortable tension in the air was finally released and the connection between us went back to normal; two friends conversing and laughing as usual. 

Before I knew it, it was three a.m. and I had work at eight in the morning. 

   "Jesus Christ, I didn't realize it was so late, I have work tomorrow," I stated. 

Dean glanced at the clock and sighed heavily. 

   "You can stay here if you want, your place is only four blocks away so you can get there easily in the morning."

A part of me considered it for just a moment before another part of me kicked in. The part of me that was desperate for this man's hands on my body, and suddenly I needed to get out of there as quickly as possible. 

   "No," I breathed, "I should really stay at home. Thanks though." 

Dean helped me put on my jacket and walked me to the door. Right before I opened it I turned around and remembered something. 

   "Oh, uh, happy birthday, Dean. I hope you enjoyed your night." 

He smiled his warm, tired smile and the stubble on his cheeks rippled like silk as he did. I wanted nothing more than to graze my hand along his strong jaw and feel the dimples underneath that furry layer of facial hair, but stopped and turned before I had to endure anymore torture.  

   "Thank you, Sophia," he said from behind me. Why was he using my full name? "It is all thanks to you that I enjoyed it." 

I turned back just to get one more glimpse of his gorgeous face; a face that could catch the attention of an entire city; a face that I didn't realize was so extraordinary until this night. 

I did not know how to respond, so I smiled and continued back down the stairs to exit his apartment building. 

When I got outside, the winter air hit my exposed face so hard I almost fell back. It was like an entire sheet of ice shattered into me and I was left paralyzed and alone on the abandoned city street. What the hell am I doing? No taxis are going to come down here at this hour, and it's way too cold to walk even four blocks. I let out a long sigh and decided to make my way back up to Dean's place. I realized shortly after that I'd have to buzz up to his apartment to get back in. 

I hit the button and he responded almost immediately. 

   "Hello?" 

   "Dean, it's me. I'm really sorry but I didn't realize how cold it was out here. Could I possibly stay with you tonight?" 

In the silence between when he answered, it was almost as though I could hear him smiling at me. 

   "Yes, of course, Soph. Come on up." 

He unlocked the door and I headed back up to his place.

When I got back inside to Dean's apartment, I was practically shivering out of my jacket. 

   "Damn, Sophie, you're freezing." 

All I could respond with was a smile, and when I did my teeth chattered, so I closed my mouth. 

Dean helped me out of my jacket and heels and went into his room to get me clothes to sleep in. He came back with an oversized t-shirt and soft pajama pants. 

   "Thank you, Dean. Where would you like me to sleep, the couch?"

   "No," he said quickly, "you can stay in my bed. It's a queen size so I've got plenty of room. The couch will break your back." 

   "Oh," I whispered, "okay."

What? What am I doing!? I thought. 

We went into his bedroom and he closed the door. As I began changing I remembered he was in the room and I turned around to look at him. When I did, I noticed he was looking at me and my face flooded red. 

   "Uh, where can I change?"

He pointed to the bathroom attached to his room and I shuffled in uncomfortably. I changed out of my formal attire and into the pajamas. I pulled my hair down and let it roll over my shoulders in a sea of tired waves and curls, exhausted from the long day. I didn't have too much makeup on so I didn't worry about taking it off. I took one last look in the mirror and shut the lights off, opening the door and heading back into the bedroom. Dean was sitting on his bed flipping through TV channels in nothing but his boxers, allowing all his muscles to show and boast after a long day of celebration and activity. 

I swallowed hard, knowing I'd have to not let it phase me since we'd be sharing a bed for nearly four hours. 

I then realized how small the amount of sleep was that I was about to get and suddenly got very exhausted. 

   "Ready?" He asked. 

I wanted to respond with, for you? Oh yes. But averted my eyes and my response. 

   "Yes." I kept it simple. 

He got up and turned off the light and then cuddled into bed under the thick down comforter he had. 

I followed, staying as close to the left side of the bed as possible to resist any chance of me accidentally touching his bare skin with mine. I knew if that happened I wouldn't be able to stop myself or hold myself responsible for any actions I made afterwards. 

I snuggled under the warm blankets and closed my eyes. Just as I was about to drift off into a deep sleep, his low, bruting voice awoke me. It felt much closer than he was when I drifted off, so I opened my eyes to inspect and respond to his "Sophia." 

When I did, he was leaning directly over me, his nose almost touching mine. My breath hitched and I felt all my bodily functions stop working. My intense need to grab his neck and close the few inch gap between us was overwhelming, but he was so close I couldn't even roll away to save myself. 

   "Yes?" I managed to choke out. 

   "I'm sorry," he whispered. And right before I was about to question his motives to apologize, his lips were on mine. At least I think they were. Maybe I was dreaming. His soft lucious lips slipped sweetly over mine and it felt unreal. When he grasped my neck with his hand, the shock that ran through my body made me know I wasn't dreaming and that, luckily, this was really happening. 

I couldn't help but let out a soft moan, releasing all the tension I've been holding inside my head and body all day. His hips grinded against mine and I could feel all his muscles throughout his body. I ran my hands over his arms, up his back, and onto his neck. I tangled my trembling fingers in his tousled hair and grasped as if I were holding on for dear life. I needed to. I needed to hold onto this one moment as long as I could because I knew it could all be over within the next second. I felt his hands make their way over every inch of me, familiarizing themselves with my tired flesh. 

His lips moved over me, tracing their way up my neck leaving soft, needing kisses in their path. He then met his mouth with mine, parting my lips and claiming my mouth with his strong tongue. My body felt limp, lifeless. As if my soul had risen and left my body as an empty shell for Dean to have. I allowed him to take me, all of me, and was more than happy to offer myself to him. 

In between desperate, needy kisses, Dean breathed words filled with passion into my ear. 

   "I've wanted this for so long," he said. 

I couldn't reply. I couldn't speak. I just responded with my body, arching myself into him and biting his lower lip. 

   "I want you, Sophia."

I rolled myself so that I was on top of him and reconnected our lips yet again. 

   "I need you to be mine."

Jesus, his words. They did things to me I couldn't explain. I wanted him. I needed him. I wanted him to have me in no way I've ever offered myself to anyone before. 

I leaned up and pulled the large t-shirt over my head, letting my bare skin glow in the moonlight through the shaded window. 

   "Fuck, Sophia."

For the first time in my life, I liked my full name. And I liked the way it sounded rolling off his tongue. 

Our bodies melted together like they were pieces of chocolate on a heated stove. He ran his fingers over all of me and if it were possible I'd want them on more of me. 

   "You're amazing, baby."

Eventually, his words and arms and lips all blurred, and it felt like time stopped for just this moment. Life was good. 

I woke up to a sunny December morning as the past few hours flowed back into consciousness. I rubbed my eyes and stretched my arms. My body felt like a combination of sore, empty, full, and content. I looked over and saw the sun shining through the slotted shades. I smiled and sat up, realizing it was 7:10 and I needed to leave now since I was already running late for work.
I got up and grabbed my clothes, took off the comfortable pajamas I was wearing, and put on the formal dress wear from last night. As I was sliding on my heels I realized something was missing.
Dean.
Oh, shit. Where was he? Was he there when I woke up? I don't remember. I don't think so.
I didn't have time to think about it, I had to go and get to work.

I got to work two minutes late but was there earlier than I expected. I walked to my cubicle and took off my thick coat. I settled into my chair and let out a deep breath. Finally, I thought. Everything's finally falling into place for me. I was just about to dive into my paperwork when my cell phone rang. The office I worked in was very relaxed so they didn't mind when I took a personal call here or there.
   "Hello?"
   "Sophie!"
   "Hey, Rosy, what's up?"
   "Nothing really, I was just wondering where you went last night? I called your apartment phone and you never picked up."
   "Oh," I felt myself blush. "I kinda... stayed at Dean's."
   "What! Oh, my god! Tell me all the details! Sophie, you've got--"
She kept talking but was cut off from my attention when I looked up and saw Dean standing in front of my cubicle, panting heavily with a look of pure worry on his face.
   "Rose, Rosy. I'm sorry, I have to go."
I clicked my phone and stood up from my chair.
   "Dean, I-"
He cut me off.
   "Soph, please. Don't drag this out. I need to do this."
Uh oh. A pit opened up in my stomach and I felt the world crashing beneath me. What was wrong?
   "I can't hold this off or put it any nicer, but it needs to be done. Sophia, we can't be together."
Jesus Christ, what was happening?
   "Dean, what-"
   "In fact, we can't even see each other anymore, Sophia."
I couldn't breathe.
   "Dean, stop. What are you talking about? You're my best friend..."
   "I know," he began. I felt like I heard a whimper in his voice. "I'm so, so sorry. I just... I can't. Goodbye."
He turned on his heel and ran toward the stairs. And as quickly as he showed up, he was gone. I couldn't breathe. My lungs sunk into my stomach and my eyes filled with the weight of my broken heart and the heavy tears that began plummeting down my cheeks. Oh, my god, I thought, I can't be here right now.
I ran through the clearance of cubicles and down into the stairwell. I stopped a few flights down and collapsed on the landing. My knees couldn't take any more weight. My eyes couldn't take any more light. My heart couldn't take any more pain.
For once in my life, the very first time, something amazing had happened. Something I had been waiting for my entire life but never expected to happen, and in an instant, it was all gone.
I allowed myself to stay crumpled up in the corner of the stairwell and cry until nothing came out of my eyes and nothing but empty sobs cried out from my throat. I silently realized that for those four or so hours I spent with Dean, I was content. I was filled to the brim with all I had ever needed in my short life time. I had never felt such a fullness and happiness until that moment.
Now here I sat; sad, alone, confused, and empty. How could so much happen in such a short amount of time? How could I recover from this?
I decided my best option was to go back to work, stick it out for the day, and deal with it after. I stood up, drained my mind and body of all the feelings and emotions and felt myself go numb.
I strode back up the stairs, lifelessly, and finally reached my floor. As I opened the door, I felt the other side of it being pulled as someone was about to make their way down. I looked up and saw Dean staring back at me, tears in his eyes, chest elevating and deflating rapidly.
   "Sophia."
I didn't say anything. I didn't have anything to say. I was empty. So I just stared at him blankly.
A moment of silence stood between us. A moment that felt so eternal I felt like I was back in my dreamland from the previous night.
   "I'm so sorry. I can explain."
I had no words. He knew it, so he responded.
He responded by surging the life back into me with a life-altering kiss. A kiss that forced all the emotions, good and bad, back into my body and soul and reminded me what it was like to feel. A lifetime of emotions was felt just through that one kiss, and for just one moment, I knew I would do, live, say, and feel anything for this man for the rest of my life more than willingly.
He released my lips from his and I looked into his eyes, confirming that he needed no further explanation.