Letter to Me

Megan Lynne Murray
Schwimer
Communications CP
5 December 2011

Dear Freshman Meg,
Don't worry, you make it. Although sometimes you're only scraping by, you survive. By now I hope you've realized mom isn't changing. No matter how many times you beg her to go to treatment, she doesn't go. And believe it or not, she gets worse. Regardless, you can handle it, and in some ways, you're a better person because of it. Like your good friend will soon tell you, 'just breathe.'
When you start high school, you're going to feel a bit torn between your friends now and what you're getting involved with. Do me a favor, thank your friend Sara. It's because of her that you like the things that you do, and that you made the friends that you did. If it weren't for her, you probably wouldn't even be reading this letter in this class right now. I don't even know where you'd be. Enjoy period three history, as much as it sucks, the notebook you create and the secrets you share will always be a part of you. Speaking of classes, do yourself a favor, try hard. Don't give up so much. You're smart, so let your work reflect that. Try to save your absences for days where you actually need it. Stop procrastinating and do your work! You'll thank yourself for it when you're a senior.
I know right now it seems like the boy you're with is the one you're meant to be with “forever and always” and that you really love him. You're wrong. You'll soon realize you don't love him, you never did, and you have no idea what love is yet. Soon, you'll meet a boy that will show you what true love is. People will tell you you won't make it together past high school, and that you don't really love each other because “you're only in high school,” but don't believe them. As hard as it gets, you make it through with him to, and he's the best part of you. Don't blame him for your bad days, and don't be so jealous and crazy. It almost ruins your relationship. Although you eventually learn, try not to take out your bad moods on him. It wasn't his fault, and he's only trying to help. Don't take him for granted, and make sure you tell him you love him every day. He loves you too.
You're beautiful. As silly as it sounds now as a naïve freshman, your struggle with your self image will continue all throughout high school. Don't let that happen. Realize how amazing you are. You're beautiful, smart, funny and you are perfect the way you look. Dieting isn't worth it, and your curves make you who you are. Don't focus on what other people think of you, it truly doesn't matter. Focus on yourself and loving yourself. You matter. Put yourself first.
I know you're scared of being humiliated, but don't be. Try out for things. Audition for madrigal, the musical, chamber choir and more your freshman year! Although you're nervous and new, it's worth it! Those are the things that define your time here, and you need to do it for as long as you can. Although you want to be very involved, don't expect anything, don't get cocky and be realistic when it comes to auditions. Learn your range, practice your vocals and put yourself out there. You are amazing, and I promise, one day you will be that girl that everyone wants to know.
As sad as it sounds right now, try not to care so much. Don't try to impress certain teachers, because it doesn't pay off, and don't trust others either. As glamorous as they seem, the teachers can end up to be your biggest enemy. Mrs. Schwimer is the only one you need. Thank her. I know you don't know her yet, but get to know her now. She will change you forever in the best way possible.
Thank your sister, thank your friends, and enjoy yourself. Don't take life so seriously all the time. Before you know it you'll be off to college, and as much as high school seems to suck right now, it flies by and you'll miss it afterward. Be nice to people, do your work, and be outgoing. High school is what you make of it, so make it memorable. Make me proud, I'll see you soon.
Love, Senior Meg.
Ps. Don't forget to smile along the way.


(I'm not reading that one before I write this one to make it more interesting, by the way.)


Dear Graduating Senior Meg,
Congratulations, you did it! You have worked hard for four years of high school and countless years of junior high and elementary school to make it to where you are today. Some days, it doesn't feel like you've really made it anywhere and it feels more like you're ready to give up but don't. You know you don't have to give up, you're stronger than that. Even between now and December you've been through countless hardships which have shaped you into the person you are today. You've gone through what has probably been the darkest part of your life and look, you're still here to write this letter.
Let's dig a little deeper into what has happened and go back to talk to early Senior Meg, shall we?
Although you previously wrote about appreciating your boyfriend and depending on him while you can, don't. He leaves you. He leaves you when you need him most and although it teaches you to admit to your mistakes and be the bigger person, you also learn what it's like to feel the worst pain you've ever felt. So yes, appreciate him while you have him, but since this letter isn't intended to change your past actions, just try to focus on you and depend on yourself. You'll soon learn the hard way that you're all you've got anyway, and that you can't rely on someone 24/7. You are number one, Meg, and you need to put yourself before anyone else in your life, remember that.
One point that I can't stress enough to you is don't take life too seriously. "Forget regret or life is yours to miss." Yeah, Rent, you still love theatre. Anyway! Stop worrying about making everything perfect all the time. Stop trying to control your life and every aspect of it. Whatever is going to happen, is going to happen, so just let it. Don't worry about something happening that is out of your control! You need to let life happen.
You will find love, so stop looking. It hurts when Joe leaves you, it really, really does. But you get something so much more out of that hurt. You find a love that is something so much greater than any guy could give you: you find a love for yourself. I know it's hard to believe, and still now 99% of the time you don't believe it, but you are beautiful. You are a strong, confident, beautiful, talented girl who is going to go places in life. A wise woman once said don't limit yourself: so don't. Let yourself be as talented as you truly are. Don't let your bad feelings and negative opinions of yourself bring you down. You are beautiful. You are amazing. You are worth it.
Suicide is never the answer. It's hard for me to say that since only a short time ago it was the first thought in your mind. Things change, and they do get better. No matter how low and worthless you feel right now, you will get through it. No guy or friend or human is worth you taking your life. You are more than that, and you deserve to be alive. So get up, power through. Stop being lazy and clean your room, you'll feel 10 times better after you do it. Get up and go to the gym, you know how great that feels. Turn off the TV and read a book, you won't put it down if you just pick it up. Stop eating crap, McDonald's isn't even in your vocabulary anymore. (Can you believe it? It's been a month!) Take the time to appreciate yourself and do what makes you truly happy. You Matter, Meg, you do. And no heart break or stress or bad karma is going to make you forget that. You Matter.
I can't really say much to you, Meg, other than to just be happy. Don't let life bring you down. Don't sweat the small stuff. And most importantly, smile, it looks good on you.
Much love, Graduating Senior Meg.
Ps. Good luck in college, kid, you'll move mountains.